Fallow

I really haven't loved much of anything that I've sewn lately.

This happens to me cyclically- I just seem to run entirely out of inspiration and fresh ideas. Everything feels tired and contrived.

I think I've learned to deal with it a little better over the years. I used to panic that I was ruining a perfectly good thing by not being able to keep up either the workload or the creativity. Now, I feel that sensation as an annoying sense of inadequacy, but its lost the sharp ruthless feel of the past. I still revisit my fantasy of having a life coach who who give me perfect directions on how to navigate it all, but so far, none has landed up in my laundry basket.

Years ago, I once prayed at my keyboard. I sort of asked God to be "in charge" of it all, or something equally predictable and churchy. But I always refer back to that moment. Back to the idea that this can't/ought not to/must not be about me. My successes. My inadequacies.

So, I'm sitting fallow right now, as I have been for some months. It's not because I don't have time- I'm managing to waste all sorts of time on pinterest, so that's an implausible excuse. I just have to rest my create-a-sizer. It just wants to, and I've learned that forced creativity produces some pretty butt ugly work.

But I'll pop up again, and I hope to "see" you there.